Yes....I am a lady and I am not scared

Sheran Khan

Tomorrow is my wedding and I am not very excited about it because I have just reached 18. I have heard that his name is Krish Chandra Shrivastav and he works at Bhim Hospital in the X-ray department. When the dusk reaches its peak, I will have to leave Bhogdiya VDC (my maternal home) for Shipawa VDC, Rupandehi where he lives.

It has been almost over a year of our marriage and I still feel that I have not been able to make my presence felt in the hearts of my family members. And on top of that, I am pregnant for which I am a little worried too. Soon I will become a mother. But, I seriously doubt whether my child would ever have a healthy environment to grow up.

 I was beaten hard last night when it was known that I was pregnant. My in-laws are extremely wicked and there is not even a tint of kindness in them.

My newly born baby girl died yesterday for which my husband is obviously the culprit. She was the fourth to go waste. One baby after another, two daughters and a son, had to die prematurely. As a mother, I am the most helpless woman. All of the dead ones were below five years of age. It seems that god’s grandeur has lost its shine on me. Had they not been diseased and had enough food to eat, they would have been alive.

Since the very first day of my coming into this house, I am being beaten day in and day out. A moment’s delay to get off the bed in the morning would get me a hard kick at the back as a caution. My husband has many excuses to beat me everyday, one of which is insufficient dowry and the other unwanted marriage.

These days, he has started flirting with someone else.

I have two daughters and a son alive so far. But every time I gave birth to a baby girl, I was reprimanded for being a curse to the family. Last night, I was even thrown out of my house, knowing fully well that I bore a baby just a couple of weeks ago. I was rebuked even after having a baby boy saying that I was big-headed for that. I can’t take this anymore. The fear of being killed any day never ends. I am staying in this house just because I am concerned about my children’s future.

It’s 2052 B.S (1995) and I got a job at Matri Swastha (Maternal Health) as a Matri Swastha Karta (Maternal Health Worker). The job is helping me kill time. Presently, my son is 9 months old and his father has got for himself a new partner to look after him. I had a little argument with him on this matter. He had his own reason for this misdeed. He blamed me for being a slut and he vilified me for having illicit relationship with all the male health workers. Wow! What a filthy accusation to be rewarded with! He even asked me to leave the house. I denied and ignored his order.

I feel that I had made the right decision then.

This is Gorakhpur, India and I am lying awake on the hospital bed. What actually happened was that just about four months back six Nepalese Maoists visited our home and demanded Rs. 50,000 as penalty for a reason no one knew. And when I said I don’t have that much money, they hit me with a hammer. They broke the bones of my lower limbs and the back. They took away all my ornaments and left me slumping on the floor.

The entire village knew what was happening with me inside the house but no one dared to retaliate. The only person to have a heart to come and see my condition was Shreeram Yadav. When he came in, he witnessed a half-dead and full-naked body of me, Pushpa. I don’t want to remember all that now. But every time when I close my eyes, all those events flash back vividly and I sink down in the ocean of grief. Now, my kids are the only reason of my survival.

I am back from the hospital and my salary including my provident fund has been withheld on the plea that my mark-sheets were bogus. I am having a real tough time to provide food to me and to my children. It has been two months of begging in my village and there is still no sign of help from anywhere.

I am very much ashamed and agonized. But, I am determined to do anything for the sake of my children. I begged from door to door for food and shelter after having been thrown out of my house. The female health workers helped me financially and in releasing my salary and provident fund.

One day, I went to the Lumbini Area Police Station and told the inspector the entire story. But he was cold-hearted. In stead of helping me get justice, he held my chest and pulled me down forcibly on his knees. I was too scared to mention it to anyone.

Eventually, I got my share of the property after the verdict in my favor by the district court.

After that, I tried to approach “Maiti Nepal” because I had heard a lot of good things done by it for women.

I came in touch with an on-going project lately. Pushpa says, “The more I spend time in this project, more I find it helping my cause. Now I have spent quite a bit of time with it and I am happy that I got right to speak, I got knowledge and moreover, I got courage to speak for my right. I even filed a case against my husband and he is a busy man these days. I feel like it’s my rebirth and since then there has been no grief but only happiness. Thank you CHUNAUTI. Thank you Care.”

I am 42 now and here I have told you my story.

Bring one thing to the attention of all of you that she is the chairperson of Child Marriage Eradication Committee (CMEC) and CHUNAUTI have had her participated in many interaction workshops and other campaigns.